Caring for incontinent elderly: tips on what you can do

Each time your loved one has a leak, you may wonder how you can give them the best incontinence care. Incontinence is common among older adults, but it's normal to feel unsure or worried.¹

The good news is that with simple routines, practical tips, and the right products, you could help your loved one feel more comfortable and confident. Let's explore everyday incontinence tips for caregivers and when it's helpful to call the doctor.

Help Your Loved One with Their Incontinence

If your loved one hasn’t seen a doctor yet, book an appointment soon. Incontinence is treatable and getting help early could make a big difference in your loved one’s quality of life.¹ A proper checkup helps you find out the cause of incontinence and the best way to manage it, so you can support your loved one with confidence.

Your loved one’s doctor will want to avoid any discomfort. So, they’ll probably recommend the least invasive treatment available. Their treatment path could look like:

• Step one: Physiotherapy, exercise, or medical devices.
• Step two: Medications or surgery with a specialist as a last resort.

Don’t worry; together with professionals, you could help your loved one manage incontinence, leaving them comfortable and confident over time.

It’s natural for both of you to feel embarrassed when it comes to incontinence care; it’s a personal matter. But with open, calm communication and patience, you could help your loved one feel safe and respected. Learning more about their condition could also help you understand what they’re going through, so you could offer the support they truly need.

Tips for Different Types of Incontinence

Have you read about types of incontinence yet? It describes some of the most common kinds of bladder weakness. You should be able to find one that matches your loved one’s condition as a starting point.

Below are professional tips to help you deal with their specific type of incontinence.

Help with Stress Incontinence

First, consider your loved one’s lifestyle. A few simple changes could make a big, positive difference.

• Keep them hydrated.
  You might naturally think she or he should drink less fluid. But that could make their urine more concentrated. Which could aggravate their bladder and make it more active.
  We recommend that your loved one drink as usual, just following their natural thirst. This should be enough to keep their urine a healthy, pale straw color.
  As you might expect, drinking too much will only increase their urge to pee. So just try to keep a healthy balance between sips.
• Avoid certain drinks.
  Remember that some drinks are diuretic, meaning they make you visit the bathroom more often. They can include tea and coffee which contain caffeine as well as alcoholic beverages.
  There’s no harm in letting your loved ones enjoy them once in a while. But it’s best not to serve too many of them.
• Mind their calories.
  Being overweight weakens the pelvic muscles, which can cause incontinence. So, to help your loved one stay in shape, make sure they have a healthy, nutritious diet, without too many calories.
• Discourage smoking.
  Does the person you care for smoke? This in itself doesn’t cause bladder weakness. But the coughing that results from smoking can put pressure on the bladder. So, try to persuade them to cut down or quit smoking. That will benefit their incontinence as well as their general health.
• Encourage exercise.
  Is your loved one mobile? Or can you help them move around? They could improve their bladder control by doing pelvic floor exercises. Scientists have found that up to 70% of mild-to-moderate cases of incontinence could be improved in this way.
  Your loved one will need to do the correct pelvic floor (Kegel) exercises though – regularly over three to six months. It’s never too late to start – even if they’re in their 70s or 80s, they could still improve their symptoms.
  A specialist may recommend techniques such as electrical muscle stimulation to help carry out these exercises properly. Find out more about pelvic floor exercises.

Help with Urge Incontinence

This is sometimes referred to as an overactive bladder. As its name suggests, it happens when you get a sudden and unstoppable need “to go.” Here are some tips to help you care for your loved one:

• Help them reach the bathroom.
  Make sure the path to the toilet is clear and easy for them to navigate. Also, if they’re mobile/semi-mobile and dressed, their clothes should be easy to remove – think elastic waistbands instead of zippers or buttons.
• Help them with bladder training and exercises.
  With urge incontinence, it’s possible to “retrain” the bladder. To do this, encourage your loved one to hold larger amounts of urine for longer, and to go to the bathroom less often.
  This stops their bladder from “exaggerating” the need to go when it is only half full. Retraining tends to get easier over time. Up to 50% of urge incontinence sufferers who’ve tried it have found it effective.

Kegel exercises for pelvic muscles can also help in some cases of urge incontinence. Learn more about about pelvic floor exercises in our article.

Help with Mixed Incontinence

Does your loved one suffer from a mix of stress and urge incontinence? If so, the best thing to do is concentrate on the most prevalent symptoms and try to manage these first.

You could start them on pelvic floor exercises for stress incontinence, or bladder retraining for urge incontinence. Then, once their main symptoms improve, start dealing with the other symptoms.

Help with Functional or Neurological Incontinence

Does a physical or mental disability prevent your loved one from getting to the bathroom in time? Or does it stop them from having any control over their bladder? Doctors might be able to help. But, even if they can’t, there are still things you can do to help improve your loved one’s situation.

Most importantly, minimize the impact of any accidents with quality incontinence products. Well-designed incontinence pads and underwear will completely contain any escaped urine. They’ll also help to keep her or him feeling fresh, dry, clean, and comfortable.

Not sure where to start? The TENA product finder could help you find the perfect product to help keep your loved one dry and comfortable.

Measures for More Serious Cases

Depending on your loved one’s condition, a doctor or specialist might recommend one or more of the following:

• Medical devices
  The doctor might insert a catheter (a tube that connects with the urethra) with a portable bag to capture all urine. This might be just a temporary measure, particularly if the incontinence is the result of surgery from which your loved one is recovering.
  You may need to change and clean their catheter bags – an easy task to learn. It is important to understand that a catheter is not a solution for urinary incontinence but for something like an enlarged prostate or a temporary solution after prostate (or other) surgery.
  The most commonly used devices for bladder weakness are absorbent incontinence pads and underwear. Designed to protect against urinary leakage and odors, they come in a range of sizes and absorbency levels.
• A last resort: medication and/or surgery
  There are medicines that can help reduce the bladder’s overactivity. To find out about medications that could help your loved one’s incontinence, ask your doctor to refer you to a specialist – for example, a urologist or urogynecologist.
  Surgery can help treat incontinence, but it is rarely used.

Other Ways you Can Help

What else can you do to help a loved one with functional incontinence? Make sure the path to your bathroom is clear and easy for them to navigate. And if they’re mobile/semi-mobile and dressed, it’ll help to have them wear clothes that are easy to remove.

Create a Personalized Bathroom Access Plan

A personalized bathroom access plan could make it easier for your loved one to use the toilet safely and feel comfortable. Here are some tips to get started:

• Remove anything that could cause tripping, like rugs or loose cords, along the bathroom path.
• Add supportive devices like grab bars or a commode if your loved one has limited mobility.
• Install motion sensors or night lights, and keep the bathroom light on at night.
• Use simple cues, like a picture sign on the bathroom door, if they have memory challenges.
• Try not to make sudden changes to the bathroom layout.
• Keep a small “bathroom go-bag” with incontinence wipes, spare products, and barrier cream for quick changes.
• Choose easy-to-wear clothing to make toileting faster and more comfortable.
• Always protect their privacy to help them feel respected and calm.

Build a Simple Fluid and Trigger Journal

Keeping a bladder journal or diary could help both of you spot patterns and make simple lifestyle changes.² It also gives the doctor a clearer picture of what’s happening.² Your journal could be a notebook, a printable template, or even an app on your phone.²

Track details like:²

• How much and when your loved one drinks fluids
• The types of drinks they have (water, tea, coffee, alcohol, etc.)
• When they feel the urge to go, and what they were doing before
• When leaks happen, and any possible triggers
• How often and how much they urinate

After a few days, look for patterns, like more leaks after caffeine or late-night drinks.² From there, you could adjust routines, such as reducing caffeine or alcohol.²

Choose the Right Product by Fit and Situation

Choosing the right incontinence products could help your loved one feel more confident and comfortable. Here are some simple tips to guide you while you shop:

• Check the size: If it’s too loose, gaps could cause leaks.³ If it’s too tight, it might leave red marks or feel uncomfortable.
• Check for breathability: Breathable products help lock in moisture and control odors, keeping your loved one’s skin healthy and comfortable.³
• Match absorbency to the time of day: Nighttime products offer higher absorbency to handle longer hours between changes and help your loved one rest comfortably.³
• Pick the right product type:
• Pads are great for light leaks and are discreet.³
• Pull-ups or incontinence underwear are ideal for active adults with moderate to heavy leaks.³
• Adult briefs provide the highest absorbency and are best for individuals with limited mobility.³

Quick checks for comfort:

• Red marks: The product may be too tight.
• More daytime leaks: Try a higher absorbency or a different style.
• Odor: Increase change frequency, check the fit, or switch to a more breathable option.

Feeling unsure about which product is best for your loved one? Explore TENA’s variety of incontinence products, designed with best-fit and comfort in mind.

Establish a Dignity-First Cleanup Routine

Your cleanup routine doesn’t have to be complex; it just needs to fit your loved one’s needs. Here’s a gentle, step-by-step guide to help you get started:

• Gather everything you need.
• Reassure your loved one.
• Ask for permission before starting. You could say, “Can I help you freshen up and get comfortable?”
• Wash your hands and put on gloves.
• Remove the used product and dispose of it properly.
• Gently cleanse the skin with a pH-balanced cleanser.
• Pat the skin dry with a clean towel.
• Apply moisturizer, then a thin layer of barrier cream.
• Help them change into fresh clothing and products.
• Finish by washing your hands again.

Make a “When to Call the Doctor” Checklist

It’s a good idea for them to see the doctor if you cross out any of the following on your checklist:

• Pain or burning while peeing⁴
• Blood in their urine⁴
• Difficulty passing pee or fully emptying their bladder⁴
• Peeing much more than usual⁴
• New leaks after a fall⁵
• An unexplained fever or confusion⁶
• Worsening bladder symptoms

During the visit, bring along their bladder journal and product notes. You could also ask about pelvic floor therapy, medication, or device options that may help.

References

1. Shenot PJ. Urinary Incontinence in Adults - Kidney and Urinary Tract Disorders [Internet]. MSD Manual Consumer Version. Available from: https://www.msdmanuals.com/home/kidney-and-urinary-tract-disorders/disorders-of-urination/urinary-incontinence-in-adults

2. Rausch SL. Overactive Bladder: How a Bladder Diary Can Help [Internet]. WebMD. 2023. Available from: https://www.webmd.com/urinary-incontinence-oab/features/oab-diary

3. DeMarinis M, Kaschak TR, Newman DK. Absorbent Products for Incontinence. Clinical Application of Urologic Catheters, Devices and Products. 2017 Dec 10;149–72.

4. NIH. Symptoms & Causes of Bladder Control Problems (Urinary Incontinence) | NIDDK [Internet]. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. 2019. Available from: https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/urologic-diseases/bladder-control-problems/symptoms-causes

5. Falls - Urinary incontinence [Internet]. Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust. Available from: https://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/health-information/falls/urinary-incontinence

6. McNicholas E, Abdelhafiz AH. Fever, delirium and incontinence: not always a UTI. Acute Medicine Journal - [Internet]. 2016 Oct 21 [cited 2025 Oct 14];15(3):149–51. Available from: https://acutemedjournal.co.uk/fever-delirium-and-incontinence-not-always-a-uti/#article-text