Introducing: Can't Keep It In - A Podcast by TENA

Angel: Welcome to the can't keep it in podcast brought to you by Tena. I'm your host, Angel Lakita Moore, and I am joined by the aging enthusiast, writer and coach, the beautiful goddess herself. Miss Skyla, thank you for joining me.

Skyla: Thank you so much for having me. What an introduction. 

Angel: Oh, listen, I'm just telling the truth. And I have to say before we jump into everything, your hair is gorgeous.

Skyla: Thank you. Thank you. It's been through the ringer a bit with some hair shedding that I'm experiencing. 

Angel: As this is, so this is not all your hair is what you're saying.

Skyla: That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So it's kind of like, it's a hot day and the hair scarf just came to my rescue. So.

Angel: If this is what your hair looks like after shedding, honey, this looks amazing.

Skyla: Thank you. I will take the hair love. I will.

Angel: So please, for those people who are not aware of all of the work that you do and who you are, please give me a little bit of. What you do in the world, Skyla.

Skyla: I'm Skyla Liberty Rose. I'm a writer, a coach, and a pro aging advocate. And I help women to feel better about the aging process. So I work with women in their forties and fifties and I really help them to embrace aging, which is so important because we live in a culture of anti aging and We deal with so many ageist stereotypes that we come up against. And I really want women to feel as though this is an empowering and enriching time of life and not a time where they have less options and everything is just, you know, getting worse rather than better because that's simply not true.

Angel: I couldn't agree more. I feel like, especially for women, They make the aging process seem. And when I say they, I mean, society makes the aging process seem as if it is the most daunting, terrifying thing. As if after our twenties, our value is gone in that all we have to do is just wait for, um, father time to take us up out of here. 

Skyla: Exactly, exactly. And I mean, we're living longer than ever before. Women are living longer than ever before. And I got to. 43 and I started to notice signs of visibly aging and I'm talking that I was sitting in front of my vanity mirror and I could see the skin under my chin literally slackening and I was like, wow, so this is happening. This is where I am. And my first thought was this, this real sense of shame. I have to hide this. I have to cover this. I can't show up in the world like this. And I actually looked at the angle that I was sitting at and then decided. That I wouldn't sit like that in front of other people. I mean, can you imagine how much energy and effort that would require? And then I got a grip of myself quite quickly and I realized that that was just ridiculous. And that's when I got curious about what a culture of anti aging is designed to do and how we absorb so much of that ageist messaging and how it impacts us. So I did a complete U turn and now I, um, Um, embracing each, each wrinkle, each line, each piece of slack skin. And it's not always easy, but I'm determined that I'm going to have an empowered aging experience. So that's what I've made my mind up to do.  

Angel: I love that. Come on, empowered aging experience. Now, I feel like if we all had that mindset. There would be certain things that we go through life in that might not obviously be like ideal in life, but we would also greet them with a little less hostility and resistance and be like, how can I continue through life with you now being a part of my journey?

Skyla: Exactly.

Angel: Obviously, one of those things is incontinence, especially with our pelvic floor, the muscles not being as strong as they used to be. In your anti aging messaging, how do you spread, um, I guess more information and also try to change people's minds around those issues?

Skyla: I'm big on reducing shame and stigma as part of our aging experience. There's so much shame around aging and, We're aging from the time that we're born, literally, and I, I really feel as though by educating ourselves on what we might expect to experience at each stage of our aging journey. Then we're going to have that empowered experience because we're not going to be fearful and wonder what's happening to our body. So, yeah, I, I really wanted to educate myself rather than be in a place of fear. So I feel. So that's really made a difference to the experience I'm having now.

Angel: So on your journey to find out more things about the process of menopause and perimenopause, what are some sources that you found to be helpful for you as you like wanted to gather more information? 

Skyla: Just reading up about menopause and what I could expect. I didn't know that perimenopause was even a thing. I hadn't heard of it until I was in it. So that was useful just to do some searches, some internet searches, use credible sources to get that information and find out that perimenopause can actually last up to 10 years. It's not a short amount of time. And that's 10 years that I would like to be able to support myself and not feel like I'm a stranger in my own body, but have some understanding and awareness of what is happening to me. So one of the things I found really helpful was on TENA's website. They have some information about questions that you can actually ask your doctor. And I think that being prepared ahead of any doctor's appointments is really useful because sometimes we forget, you know, we're in that appointment, and We have an idea of what we want to say, but then we get there and maybe we get brain fog and other menopausal symptoms, so it's really great to have just keep it simple. You don't need to go in there with tons of information, but having that as a reference of questions that you can ask, for example, if you are having bladder leakage or some kind of incontinence episode, then you'll know that you can mention this and there's some context surrounding that. And, you know, let's normalize. These changes happening in our bodies, as you said, it's not something that we have to stay in that real space of fear about it's, it can be something that we get to take control of rather than feel as though we're a victim, then this is happening to us. You know, how can we meet ourselves in this moment at this stage of our lives?

Angel: Absolutely. I fully agree. Um, going back to something that you said, which, uh, I feel like unfortunately you're not alone, which is once you notice signs of aging, your confidence be, begins to like, change. slip away because we've been taught that to be young is to be, it's called the fountain of youth, right? That's what it's called. They don't call it the fountain, fountain of aging. Everybody's trying to chase this version of themselves that did exist and we're thankful for it, but no longer does exist. So what are some ways in which you work on building your confidence while also accepting the process of aging?

Skyla: Honestly, don't want to be 25 anymore. I don't want to be 35. I don't even want to be 45. I'm about to turn 50. And one of the things, a practice that has helped me hugely as a practice of gratitude. And I know that we hear about gratitude a lot, right? It's not a new thing, but I think there's a reason for the fact that we hear so many conversations about it because it really can make a difference. So for me. I realized I could be in a space of regret and frustration and comparing myself to what I looked like and how I felt in my 20s or 30s. Or I could Just decide that I'm going to make this the best chapter of my life so far, and that I'm going to show up for myself in a really committed way and be grateful for all the things that my body has done for me. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor two years ago, completely out of the blue. And that has made a huge difference in the way that I treat my body, the way that I speak about my body. I fought to be here. So I'm not about to abandon myself now and say to myself, well, you've aged out of relevance or you're not desirable or interesting anymore. I don't believe those things to be true. So, gratitude for making it this far, right? Because not everybody does. So many people don't make it.

Angel: That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. That, uh, it reminds me of after I had my last child. I have four children. So obviously my body has been through a lot of different changes, but realizing that a lot of those changes were brought on because I was blessed to be able to carry four children at one time, two children at one time in my body. So even when I have a little bit of incontinence, that's just a reminder that my body has been stretched out by being blessed to bring life into this world.

Skyla: Right?

Angel: So the same thing with aging, which I think is beautiful is that, um, um, The fact that sometimes we have some aches and pains is just a reminder that we've been here for so long.

Skyla: Yes.

Angel: That our bodies are just like, hey, you gotta treat me a little bit differently.

Skyla: Exactly, exactly.

Angel: You got some miles on me now.

Skyla: But what you said, Angel, about having kids, because I'm not a parent, so I, Was a little bit naive about my pelvic floor health and thinking Oh, because you didn't have kids. I'm like, Oh, I'm good. And it's not true. We, whether you've had children or not, it's something that I think we all need to be taking care of. And so it doesn't, yeah, if you, whether you've had kids or whether you haven't, it's still something that you can take steps. You can do your exercises. You can watch your diet, watch what you're doing in terms of, um, you know, movement. And this. Plenty of things that we can and should be doing.

Angel: Absolutely. I love that. I love that. There are some things that maybe I don't want to be a constant billboard for me. And I do believe this is something again, that knowledge wise, when we are made more aware of these types of products that are actually there to aid us in that. As we age, because sometimes that's really all it is, is that as you age, you just might need a little more assistance on something else. You know what I'm saying?

Skyla: Absolutely.

Angel: So it's like, okay, yeah, I'm getting to a certain age where certain type of heels no longer are beneficial to me. So this type of shoe will aid me better at looking good and feeling good at the same time. So in your, in your quest to be a enthusiast and an activist towards aging, what are some things that you've noticed have aided in? I get to age beautifully, comfortably, and boldly.

Skyla: We are not having our grandmothers or even our mothers aging experience. The amount of options that we have available to us now is incredible. And we have so many solutions and. One of the things that I know TENA offers is underwear that is absorbent and helps with bladder leakages and any urinary incontinence, but you wouldn't know that it was absorbent underwear. It just looks so natural. It looks like anything that you would buy in the store. So again, to echo what you said, it's not that we have to drastically change our lives, but we can. Understand that there are solutions that can just like slot into our lives and we can carry on Traveling and not having to worry about where the restroom is at this stop or that stop and just yeah Live our lives as normally as possible. So Yes, the hills are something of my past and what else? I, I try not to, to really put limits on myself and feel as though I have to show up in a certain way. I try to make sure that I'm always factoring in comfort rather than pressure. What I think I need to look like that's important to me, but, um, yeah, it's, it's going to look different for each person, but just know that there are options available to you. So I say decide on the aging experience you want to have, and then do all you can to have that experience.

Angel: I love that decision. Decide on the aging experience that you want to have. So let's talk about debunking some stereotypes around aging and uh, what it means to embrace the wisdom that gets to come with living on this planet for decades and decades. So what is, um, Stereotypes that you have been debunking in your quest.

Skyla: All of them, absolutely all of them. Give me a stereotype and I will smash it. The mainstream gives us so many sad and bad messages about aging. We're not seeing our reality represented. And as I said before, women are living longer than ever before. And I mean, if you look at. The way that the media stereotypically portrays women, or especially women, men too, but it is especially women. It's ridiculous. We're either not seen or we're portrayed as being irrelevant. Where often in movies, for example, you often see older women just as a prop in someone else's story. When the truth is that our lives are fuller and richer than ever before, we have so much going for us. People aren't slowing down in their 40s or 50s or 60s or beyond. We're doing more and more and I think we need to see that reality represented. So one of the things that I feel really strongly about is making sure that Online and offline, you're seeing that, that you're having an empowering aging experience shown to you.

Angel: Um, what you said about not slowing down in that, um, especially as stereotypes, I look at one of my favorite artists of all times, Beyonce. She's only a year younger than me. She's 43 years old. She put out two albums in one year, did a world tour. And I'm like, y'all are telling me that's old?

Skyla: Exactly.

Angel: That is what we're calling Old. I'm like, if this is what Old is, then sign me up twice for it. Um, okay, I'll throw you a couple of stereotypes that I want to see how you debunk them. I think a lot of people think when people are older that they aren't interested in romance or sex of any sort. Is that something that you feel like you're debunking?

Skyla: Yes. It's ridiculous. Honestly, it's, we can have that experience of a loss of libido as part of menopause and I put my hand up to it. It's, it's ridiculous. You know, something that I've experienced, but there are so many people who are talking about experiencing pleasure at this stage of our lives. There's coaches out there. There's authors out there. There are people that are really pro pleasure. Every single age and I think that that's something that we need to accept that people can enjoy a healthy sex life for many decades And it isn't something that has to change.

Angel: Yes, you know, I think there is two different things There is the natural desire the libido that you're talking about But there are some people who are like and I and even though the my libido has slowed down I still want to find ways to make sure pleasure is a part of my life.

Skyla: Absolutely. It doesn't have to be through sex. And there are some great people out there who are spreading the word. Yeah. It doesn't have to be sex related. Pleasure can come in many different forms and just make sure that you are incorporating pleasure and joy are things I think we all need to be experiencing. So, yeah. Whatever ways you can incorporate them, go for it.

Angel: Mm, I, I love it. I love it. I love it. I think one of the things with aging that a lot of people also feel is like the stereotype is that once you get to a certain age, whatever you are, you are.

Skyla: Oh gosh, yeah.

Angel: It's just like, it's over with for you. There's no more room for you to, I don't want to say reinvent yourself, but discover new things about yourself and allow those things to still grow. Because we still are, uh, fertile ground, meaning that our ideas still have time to blossom and become fully, you know, formed. Is that something that you've experienced, uh, for yourself?

Skyla: I remember I was married in my twenties and I remember getting divorced at 27 and thinking that my life was over. And now I look back and I'm like, Oh my goodness, how ridiculous. I do not think we should be placing limits on a life that we haven't yet lived. And I say that to myself as a bit of a mantra regularly. There is no age that you can reach. Like literally death is the only time that is going to change and you can't do anything from that point. But up until that point, yeah, you can, you can. Like you say, it doesn't have to be a massive reinvention. It might be though, but we can enjoy new hobbies. We can enjoy new adventures. We don't have to be stuck in a rut just because of age and whether that's changing careers, whether it's changing our style and suddenly thinking, well, you know, I've always done something this way, but actually I feel really cool to explore doing it this way instead. I think that's a big part of helping us stay young, feel young and yeah, there's, there's so much more to still enjoy.

Angel: Now, if you are with your peers, meaning your peers that are around your age, do they have much life in like vivaciousness as you, because you radiate such a bright energy that I think a lot of people, again, a stereotype, would probably not associate with you. So are your friends that way as well? Would they, are they as just as vivacious? as you are?

Skyla: I think so. I'm quite intentional about who I surround myself with because it really makes a difference. And when in my previous life in England, when I was working with other people, I would sometimes, you know, we've all had that experience of being around someone who's quite negative about everything, maybe negative about aging. And, um, It makes a difference to how we feel about ourselves if we expose ourselves to that kind of person. And so I'm quite intentional about surrounding myself with people who feel that aging is an adventure. It's still a time of exploration and yeah, it makes a difference to my mood, my energy and it's a ripple effect, right? We then spread that messaging to other people and it makes a difference in their lives.

Angel: I'm going to have to steal this saying and put it on a shirt. Aging is an adventure. It is. I love it. You know why? Because we're discovering more and more things about our bodies. We're like, Oh, I didn't know that that did that because now I can hear it doing it before it was doing it silently. And now I hear it on a daily basis. What an adventure. I love it though. 

Skyla: Humor helps. I'm going to say that humor really helps. It does.

Angel: Yes, I completely, uh, again, agree. There's so many things I agree with. I feel like that's all I'm saying, but you're dropping so many gems that I feel like are so useful, um, especially as women, but not just women, even men, even though men don't talk about it. They don't enjoy aging either. Granted they get, they don't get as much slack or as flack as, as women do. But, uh, I know for men just being able to realize, Oh, like, uh, you know, I used to be able to just get out on the basketball court and play three on three and you realize anything, you might end up in the hospital, your new sport of choice might be golf instead of getting on the basketball court. I do think. Seeing aging as an adventure allows you to be willing to discover the things that you would more enjoy now than what you might have enjoyed in your 30s or in your 20s or whenever people calling young now. I have no idea. Had I known that my 40s would be as dope as they are, I would have sprinted there at 18. I would have been like, get these 20s out of the way. But I think that's something that takes a lot of Wisdom, a community of people that show you all the potential that that age range has. And I do think, um, As we become a community of people that share more ideas and talk, we have people like you who are actually being very vigilant and active in supporting women in that journey. I think it does begin to change people's perspective. I think that's why there's all these sayings, 30's the new 20, 40's the new 30. Not that we can do the things sometimes, but I think the mindset of this life is still so beautiful here.

Skyla: Absolutely.

Angel: So the work that you're doing, I can tell you right now, is going to, I know you said you can't, once you pass, that there's nothing that you can do in life, but I can tell you right now, your work is going to continue. even after you have left this earth because it's going to make a big difference in a lot of people's lives.

Skyla: Yeah. And that's one of my driving forces is that I don't want women in future generations to have this fear around aging and to feel as though it's something, something that they have no control over. It's just simply not true. And, um, Again, I ended up in perimenopause not knowing that I was in perimenopause, hadn't even heard of the word and I don't want future generations to have that experience. So the more that we can normalize these conversations, which is why this podcast of TENA's is such a great resource for people, the more that we can share openly and break down that stigma, break down that shame, because what are we ashamed of? And one of the things that I ask women to consider, and this is also true for men, is who benefits from my shame? You know, it's never us. 

Angel: So Come on. I'm going to tell you what, you good at your job. If this is your job, sweetheart. You are good at your job because you're right, who benefits from it? It's surely not me. If you're making me feel less than how, how is that going to benefit me? And actually it would benefit everyone if I felt as good as I feel right now, because then I serve the world to a better capacity.

Skyla: Absolutely.

Angel: Ah, Skyla. Let me tell you right now, you, you, you, my friend, you real good. Let me tell you, if your friends are like you, y'all a good group.

Skyla: I think so. I'm very grateful for the group that I have. And that's another thing that's come with aging is that. In our younger years, we're so encouraged to see other women as our competition. And I've so left that behind. And I really used to buy into that idea. And these days I look at the circle of women I have around me and my goodness, they keep me going. They really, really do.

Angel: Such a blessing, such a blessing to have yourself surrounded by a community. And then also having that community also gives you the resources to know what Like being able to say, oh, wait a minute, you, you're having brain fogness. You're having, you know what this might be? It might be being perimenopausal. When we have those group of people that are not ashamed of the process that they're going through, it only gives us more information. So I can talk to my girlfriends to be, and I'm very transparent. I'll be like, girl, I had to run because I had a little bit of a leakage problem, and I'm like, And to be able to share products like this with them, to be able to say, Oh girl, I have some in the bathroom. Use this, get you some. Um, I think. In this generation and the generations to come, there will be way more transparent conversations so that the shame of this is no longer something that can be attached to it. It's just a part of life. It's a part of the process of life.

Skyla: Exactly. We don't do this to teenagers going through puberty. We don't ask them to feel a sense of shame about what they're doing. We find ways to support them through it. And this is just another stage of life and we deserve support and solutions.

Angel: 100%. Thank you so much for being here. You have been such a pleasure. And the, like I said, the work that you're doing is so. Invaluable. So thank you so much for picking up the torch for us.

Skyla: Thank you so much for having me.

Angel: Thank you so much for watching and listening. If there's anything we were discussing that you relate to and you want more information, please go to shop.tena.us.